January 22, 2010Early A.M. Sanity Disclaimer
Everyone probably isn't this way. Driven to a state of gestational hormonal madness at, well, not what I'd say small provocations, exactly; they're sizeable enough, especially when you begin with a nearly pathological loathing of sudden change or perceived outside takeover. Usually I can manage to either write things out of my head, or find a sympathetic online eye to talk me down, so I've only lost control and "let" the most irrational, morbid fears escape into the neighborhood of hysteria (the kind usually reserved for stereotypical sitcom pregnancy) a couple of times in the past two months.
Today was one of Those.
I wish I could lend some of this chemical, errr... perspective, even for a day, to the more estrogen-impaired among us. Because, yes, I probably AM currently certifiable. My physiology has gone haywire, a situation that my recalcitrant troublemaker of a placenta is not helping in the least; it's gone and added a whole new layer of intermittent heavy-armed fatigue and dizziness to the equation. And though I'd like nothing more than NOT to weep (usually quite privately, thankyouverymuch) over even the tiniest scrap of thing -- believe me, my sinuses are killing me here -- I can't say it'll probably go down that way.
As much as I would like it to.
01/22/10 01:13 AM | Comments
January 21, 2010Just Can't Catch a Break
I got the call this morning -- my three-hour glucose test yesterday showed slightly elevated numbers at the two- and three-hour marks. Which means I have borderline gestational diabetes (That test was a pretty nasty little event in its own right -- and I have the hole-filled arms and blown vein to prove it -- but I don't have the will to rehash it again. At least there was no puking).
Well, I hung up and just bawled. I'd been so very close to pass on the one-hour screen, and, statistically, that usually means a pass on the three-hour. But I'm all about bucking statistics this time 'round, it seems. Lets hope not where it really matters, in the end.
I have to go to Santa Rosa on Tuesday afternoon (probably every week following, as well), and get dietary counselling and an Rx for a glucose meter. I'll have to follow strict guidelines, and test my blood after each meal. Which I will sure as hell be doing, and to the very last letter, because I do NOT want us to end up on insulin if it's at all within my power. Or marked as an even higher risk when it's time to give birth, and end up with surgical intervention.
I've been looking at sample diet plans (because almost a week is a long time re: baby-growing), and luckily mine isn't too far off the path. I need more proteins and less carbs in the early morning (when insulin resistance is highest), spread meals out a little more, and I need to obviously cut out the occasional white carb treats and juices (and sugar in the half-caf, sob), but the raw veggies, whole grains, and low fat (and of course low sodium!) proteins and dairy are there. I also need to work on short, glucose-levelling walks after meals, even if the thought is completely exhausting/overwhelming right now.
On the positive side, my last blood pressure reading was pretty much normal. I still feel as if it's high at times, so I don't know what to make of that yet. Someone offered me the loan of a home monitoring cuff, and I think I might just take them up on it. I have a suspicion that stress may be triggering it more than I thought, and I'd like to test that out a bit.
01/21/10 08:45 PM | Comments
January 13, 2010Nut Butter Overthrow
I'd been buying and enjoying Skippy Natural for a few years. Just roasted peanuts, sugar, palm oil, and salt -- no nasty hydrogenated oils. But suddenly, I can't have the sodium, and my bananas were sad. Additionally, I don't eat a whole lot of meat, and I don't care for unsalted nuts, so, aside from yogurt, protein becomes sort of problematic.
Luckily, I had half a jar of Trader Joe's Almond Butter in the fridge (used it to make low-carb cookies for Christmas). Took a look at the nutrition facts: just nuts. Nothing else. No sodium. Much lower in saturated fat. Higher calcium (by far) and fiber content. Took a taste: a bit oilier than I like, little stirring to do, but not bad. Not as creamy as peanut butter. Surprisingly sweet for a spread with no added sugar. Most importantly: it still tastes delicious on bananas! Almonds have officially saved snack time.
01/13/10 11:57 AM | Comments
January 11, 2010Some Brain Relief
Well, first off, my labs were all clear. So I don't have preeclampsia, at least not yet! Big, huge relief.
But. My two machine readings today were higher than I could have imagined -- about 185/100. Oh. My hell.
My OB (who I am now INCREDIBLY glad I chose, because when something is really important, she takes the time to work through it and doesn't just jump the gun) wasn't satisfied with just one set of readings, so she had her intern take them with a manual cuff. And those readings were in the 150/80 ballpark. Not great, but not faint-inducing, either. Then she had the nurse who took the initial readings use the cuff, to test for user error, and those were again different (I think both systolic and diastolic were a bit lower). So she's a little frustrated with the discrepancies, but believes that, generally, manual readings taken by a doctor are most accurate, and doesn't want to prescribe meds if they're not absolutely necessary (which bodes well re: her philosophy and how I jibe with it, I think). I go back on Thursday, when she'll manually take my BP herself. If it's still high, THEN she'll prescribe Methyldopa.
I still get lightheaded and have palpitations, but now at least I'm feeling a lot less anxiety than I was all last week. I might even actually get a full eight hours of sleep tonight, as opposed to the four or five I've been able to!
01/11/10 08:57 PM | Comments
January 10, 2010In Limbo
Fetusdate: 23 weeks, 3 days. Due in 116 days.
That last number is what makes our current situation so potentially dangerous. Monday I was diagnosed with pregnancy-induced hypertension, and this early in the game, that's not a good thing. It has a one-in-two chance of eventually developing into preeclampsia, which can be damaging to my organs and slow the proper flow of blood, oxygen, and nutrients across the placenta. And other, far more terrifying things which I've spent much energy willing my brain not to examine too hard. Actually, it could even be preeclampsia (PE) now, but I'm waiting for the results of the urine and blood tests tomorrow (ask me about peeing into a brown plastic jug for 24 hours straight sometime!).
Needless to say, it's been a long week. I'm trying to keep my anxiety under control (and hence help the blood pressure), but it's difficult not to worry, and I'm losing some sleep. Normally food restrictions irk me, but now I'm obsessively keeping clear of sodium without complaint.
Normally I would question any diagnosis based upon numbers taken from only one day, but there've been other indicators: Last month my readings were high (not alarmingly so like this month, but still not good). When we went for a walk last weekend, I just didn't feel "right;" it was much, much more effort than normal (and remember, last pregnancy I was hiking elevated trails much later without undue stress). And I haven't felt right lately at all, heart-poundy and fluttery and lightheaded.
My OB told me that I'd likely be put on (fetus-safe) blood pressure medication, and hopefully, hopefully, that and moderate rest will control the situation until at least 37 weeks. If it should turn out that my kidneys are leaking protein badly, treatment is more harsh, and I may be looking at either a long haul in bed here (leaving the house only for appointments), or stricter rest in-hospital with constant monitoring.
I won't lie -- I'm absolutely terror-stricken by the thought of the last. It would be likely I'd be made to lie on my left side for the duration (that's four months), not allowed to use the bathroom, and develop increasing soreness, and muscle and bone and sanity loss every day. Even the thought of home bed rest is disturbing, but being assisted atop a bedpan when you're physically capable? That's beyond all my coping powers at the moment. I'm sure some of my most Aspergers-ian traits (uncomfortable with strangers touching me, being out of my comfort zone for an extended period, no control over my own routine) come into play here, too.
Last night we went out to the movies, and, while I of course enjoyed it immensely, I could feel the toll it took on my heart. We went to CVS to check out home monitors, and to use the blood pressure cuff there. I know those public freebies probably aren't the most accurate, and I'd been moving around a lot (and irritated) minutes previously, but still, 160/80 isn't a number you want to see.
So today I'm just trying to take things as easy as possible, waiting it out. I only wish I could have a mild sedative, and maybe shut my brain down for the next 24 hours.
01/10/10 02:29 PM | Comments